I hope, with every ounce of my soul, that I would be happy, one day.
30.01.2018 19 °C
Once again we are hungry for a lynching
That's a strange mistake to make
You should turn the other cheek
Living in a glass house
Once again we are hungry for a lynching
I probably agree with you, dear Thom. And I am sincere, totally honest, when I say that I wish I could underrate life.
People, nowadays, take things too seriously. Just too severely. I see everybody concerned about something, every single day of my life. Daily issues, personal business, school problems, familial accidents. Everything affects our serenity, in a different way. This is the best thing about this: your happiness is influenced differently, every time. I am really trying to experience as much as I can, while I am here; now that I realized my life-time dream, I can finally think for the others. And if you will find my behaviour overly selfless, unselfish and altruistic, be ready: this will be my goal.
Canada taught me something every day, every hour, every minute of my staying. And it helped my person to grow, mature, reinforce, be more pensive than before and even get slimmer. I do not think I am able to find the right words to express my gratitude to this amazing Country. And I should be grateful to myself, too. After all, I changed. Nothing else really alternated, while I was in Nova Scotia. My perspective, my point of view dramatically and drastically transformed. Maybe I still have to process this, but is only a detail. What I will carry forever in my heart will be the warmth and the love that I lived and felt, that fought against The Great White North's freezing weather whenever it had the chance to do it. That is what I mostly appreciate about it. Its will-power, its determination, its consciousness. Love can truly defeat every obstacle that life puts in front of us, in the vain attempt of slowing us down. With love by our side, we did not won the battle; we won the entire War.
These are my last days, before I go back to the Country that made me live for the past 17 years of my living. I am strongly thinking about my birthday here. I celebrated it there. I honoured another year of life passed away. And this is not a normal commemoration. This will be my eighteenth year of staying on this planet. In Italy it is a very important celebration, since you turn into your major age, with all your responsibilities, your rights, your duties and obligations, your payments, your independence. I thank God, or whatever his name is, for this awesome possibility. For this meaningful and viscerally important party, that will be held in my house. Without my twin sister. But, as somebody used to sing in 1977, "we can be heroes, just for one day". And my sister is my heroine. I am proud of her, since she was able to stay away from me for six months. And everybody knows how strong a twins' connection is. I am imaging her alone, without my hugs that "make her back hurts", as she used to say. But I am sure that she is strong enough to face her life in the most proper and in the cleverer way possible. She is the strongest woman that I have ever known. I am almost crying for my mother, instead. That person is impressive, incredible, extraordinary. And extremely suffering and hailing, too. Every time I receive some photos of her, my family, my friends, in order to see how their faces are changing, I can not help but look into her eyes. And all the pain comes out, all at once. But I trust my smart and sensitive friends. I am sure they replaced me in an awesome way. I hope she will have a big smile on her face, when I will be back. She can even fake it, the most important thing, is to see my mum smiling. It is been a while since I saw her doing so.
And the blistering cold...it will be forever attached to my nerves, my synapses. To my brain, my emotionless feelings. It is hard when you find yourself comfortable with this amazing emptiness that assaults you in your weaknesses and fragilities, when you least expect it. I will do the best that I can to struggle to survive. To be honest, I am barely living.
But I have learned, I am learning, and I will learn even more. After all, this is what life is all about. To mark our presence, for a little, bare moment. Leave a memory, either good or bad. But we want to convince ourselves that we lived enough to be fine with our sense of responsibility, and our instinct. If it was possible, we will all die saying “I regret nothing”. That is the worst thing I could ever hear from an human being. There is always something left undone, incomplete. Because we are so. We do not feel secure even with the love that only another person can give us.
What have I learned, then?
How beautiful life is. And remember to turn the other cheek, when you will live in a glass house. You will never be safe.