10.12.2017 - 11.12.2017 1 °C
Sometimes I just ask to my host mom to leave, alone. She is always kind, friendly and gentle in her replies: “of course”, she is used to say. She is so sensitive. She suddenly knows when I need some time for myself. After all, everybody needs some time to dedicate to themselves. That is an human need. And she recognizes them in a more than a magistral way.
Every word coming out of her mouth, and inside her mind, is filled and charged with an unbelievable amount of love and interest, that are in contrast with the sense of mechanical loneliness that my city assumes in a random winter evening.
When nobody is interested in getting in contact with the outside world, for the weather, the time or an infinite amount of excuses and reasons, I love to discover a new feeling that I have never experienced before: walking down the illuminated, empty streets, with only the snow to keep me company.
Probably the Christmas period helps to keep my soul soft and cozy. My body is still cold. Every night I spend alone in my bed, with only my person to love, is an additional reason to find my warmth and my place elsewhere: the wreaths, the decorated trees and the flashing light hugging every house, every human repair tells me about a familial hangout, a reunion full of interest towards our most-loved people. I am afraid that I lost these sensations a long time ago. People feel so secure inside their brick houses. And I am still wonderIng why.
I personally find my internal peace in the solid, monotonous life of nature. The endless ripple of the sea, the gelid breath of the wind, the slow movement of the grass and the leaves falling down. But I can not complain. Every person is unique, in his or her own way. And I am glad for this. I thank our God for this. What a boring life with every person being the same. You can be different in many ways, just make sure to bring something to our hasty and fatigued world.
I found myself alone, in a slightly different world. Now I am here, at the waterfront, in silence. I can say I am waiting for something. And I will never be grateful enough. I had the chance to reflect a lot about myself, my life, my expectations, my ambitions, my future and my past, and how our society and the Globe is going to end, as well.
This environment is so beautiful and inspiring. It was all I needed to completely analyze my internal world, and discover a totally different side of my person. My most reflective and intimate part. And I can finally, and proudly say: “I am beautiful”.
The last thing I need is to get over the sadness and the misery that have grown inside my heart, during all this time. Yes, when I was completely absorbed and distracted by the urban, stressful and grey city life. I pray, and I hope I will not release this pain all at once.
I sincerely hope I will not release this pain all at once. Not because it could be harmful, but for the reason that is simply too much. I wish I could be carried by the ocean, once that my body will be lighter than sand. That is how I wish all my suffering would be finally gone. Lost in the sea.
Thank you Canada. You are still way more beautiful than me. But I will improve soon. I can guarantee.